Here’s a short piece I wrote recently for Noahs nursery to help them promote neurodiverse inclusivity both inside and outside the setting.
This is the true story of one of the children who attended Hedgehogs, and his mother.
From a young age, his mother knew, Noah was very different. Where other children were learning to say “Mama”, Noah was yet to say anything. When his peers began to learn their colours, Noah struggled to focus his attention on learning anything. As his friends began to use spoons by themselves, Noah was happy shovelling in food with his fingers, and over the next year the differences kept on coming.
Everyone suspected that Noah may have some developmental delays, and that starting at nursery a little earlier than first intended may help him to catch up, so the Hedgehogs family at Hempstead welcomed him with open arms. A little after his second birthday, his mum took him along to a taster session to see how he reacted.
During that session, Noah wandered around the setting in a little world of his own, not really taking in the activities that were on offer, and instead choosing to stand on tables or taste the homemade playdough. His mum was hopeful that lots of time spent with other children his age would soon have him talking and engaging just like the other children, so she signed him up for a couple of afternoons a week and crossed her fingers.
Noah spent the first few months getting comfortable with the nursery leaders. Although he couldn’t speak, he soon learnt that he could take them by the hand and lead them to whatever he needed. He didn’t take much notice of the other children in the setting and spent most of his sessions exploring things in his own way.
Just before his fourth birthday, Noah was diagnosed with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder and Speech Delay. This explained all of the challenges that Noah was having with his development and meant that both his mum and the staff now knew how to help him in the way that he needed.
Over time however, and despite his challenges with communication, Noah began to build wonderful relationships with staff, and children. A small group of girls would gravitate towards him and mother him, collecting his lunch plate for him and holding his hand when walking in the woods to make sure he was safe. All the children understood that Noah was a little bit different, and none of them cared. They all treated him as an equal. His mum was so proud and so relieved that he was safe and liked!
Outside of the setting, things were a little bit different. Whilst queuing to go into preschool, Noah would flap and stim, and sometimes squeal with impatience. These are all traits of Autism, and made Noah stand out in the crowd of children waiting to go inside.
Whilst the children never treated him any differently, it was clear to Noah’s mum that the adults in the queue were not so kind. Some would stare, some would turn away and start separate conversations in groups, and some would act as though she was invisible. Whilst Noah was thriving inside, Noah’s mum was outside feeling lonelier than ever.
If only someone would talk to her or show an interest in Noah the same way they did with each other’s children, maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone, and isolated.
Raising a child with special needs can be incredibly difficult. It takes a village to raise children, and when the child has a disability such as autism, that parent is also their nurse, carer, speech therapist, occupational therapist, and advocate too. It’s as exhausting as it is rewarding, but inclusivity and acceptance makes it that much easier.
The mum in the queue wants you to know that her child is no different to yours. They still have love and affection to give, and they still want friends to play with them. They still want to be invited to birthday parties and fun days out. The mum in the queue wants you to understand that her child is not weird, or rude. They’re trying their best with the communication resources that they have, and they desperately want to bring you into their world. The mum in the queue wants you to know, that it's okay to talk to her, to ask questions, and to be curious.
Noah had a fantastic two years at Hedgehogs, where they helped his mum get all the support and intervention he needed for school. He has now moved on to a SEN Primary school and is thriving.
Inclusivity starts at home. It’s in the way we teach our children to treat others, to show kindness and respect to everyone we meet. It’s not just teaching them but showing them by modelling those values ourselves. Inclusivity is inviting ALL children to the party. It’s seeing the value in everyone and appreciating our differences.
It’s taking that first step, reaching out to talk to the mum in the queue whose child appears a just little bit different to everyone else’s.
