I distinctly remember being told off in school for chatting too much to my classmates. I was a very sociable child, had a couple of seperate friendship groups, and I never struggled too much to find someone to talk to or hang out with. I would be with my friends all through school, and then spend hours on MSN in the evening talking about all kinds of things that had happened at school that day. There was never enough time to be with my friends. The idea that I could ever run out of energy, patience or stamina to be in the company of others would have been laughable...
Now, raising a son for whom socialising can be really hard work, I've had to learn hard and fast that not everyone has an endless supply of social energy. That's not to say that Noah doesn't want to socialise, far from it. He is an incredibly affectionate and tactile little boy who loves to use you as a climbing frame or drag you along to choose a snack, but sometimes he has just had enough. If we're at home, he'll take himself off upstairs to jump on our bed, usually followed by the dog, who dutifully lays on the end of the bed and tries to sleep as his bouncing jerks her up and down.
Just lately, if we're out and about and Noah's had enough, he will pull us to the door and say "go home", or promptly present us with his shoes and shove his feet into our laps. My husband loves it, because, in his words, "there's just no room for bullshit with Noah, if he's had enough, he'll just tell you." Forget the British slap of the knee followed by "right, we best be off, we've got XYZ to do." No people pleasing, just the innocence of fulfilling his most basic needs.
It's a level of honesty and self care that I aspire to. There are some occasions where my need to please everyone backs me into a corner where I'm ultimately the one who's suffering. I don't put my needs close enough to the top of the list. That's something that will never be true of Noah.
As I write this, we've just come back from some time at a country park with our friends and their neurotypical children. Noah had already started today tired as he'd had a sleepover at his Nanny's last night, and as it's half term, his sleep and routine have been a little bit up in the air, but the park trip was a cherry on the top of the cake.
We lasted an hour and a half before mummy had to listen to his social battery blinking red at her and bundle a tearful Noah back into the car to come home. As soon as he was strapped in his whole body relaxed, and he began to calm down, because he knew he was heading back to his safe place. Once we got home he went straight upstairs to my bedroom to regulate and recharge, where he stayed for almost as long as we were at the park!
It really isn't anything personal, and it's not rude either. Whether it's snuggled up in a corner on a tablet, hiding in a sensory tent, or bouncing on a trampoline or bed, it's all self care, and communication, and he's a damn sight better at it than most adults I know. Noah doesn't have to speak a word for you to know exactly what he's saying to you, just look at the honesty in his actions. As my husband would say, there's no room for bullshit!
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