Childcare. It's bloody expensive! So expensive in fact that huge numbers of parents are electing not to go back to full-time work because it just doesn't make financial sense to do it anymore. It's one of the reasons I reduced my working hours so much, and as a result, I'm able to lean on my mum to take care of Noah whilst I'm gone. My mum has looked after Noah since he was 9 months old. She's been there right from the start, learning about his needs alongside me right from the start of this mad journey. As a result, I never think twice when I leave Noah with her. I don't need to go over routines or double check she knows what he'll need, she just knows. It's great having that outlet, but it also puts a lot of pressure on my mum.
For a really long time, she's been my only outlet.
That has now changed. This Easter break my brother was at home a lot with his own children, but he needed help here and there with childcare. I offered to help him out, and he offered to help me out in return. I was a little bit skeptical, not because I don't think he's capable, of course he is, but looking after an autistic child with sensory needs is a different kettle of fish. My brother hadn't had much of a chance to form a relationship with Noah due to the pandemic, so he really didn't know what he was letting himself in for.
I agreed to give it a go, but not before I'd talked his ear off about how to watch Noah properly, to make sure he didn't put anything he shouldn't in his mouth, what he would and wouldn't eat, how Noah communicates his needs etc etc.
"He'll be FINE!" was the reply, "Just GO".
I couldn't help it, I still worried, but I knew I had to try. That circle of trust wasn't going to widen itself, and my brother wasn't going to be able to build that relationship unless I gave him the opportunity.
... and do you know what? All that worrying was for nothing. My brother had listened and followed everything I asked, and Noah had such a good time that when it came time to leave he cried and fought to stay. There's no better recommendation than that. In fact, my brother and his wife went on to have him several more times over the Easter break, and there was never a problem.
I suppose I felt like I was being a burden to them in the beginning. It's not that I didn't trust their abilities, more that I felt like I needed to do all the talking for Noah before I left so that he didn't get frustrated or meltdown if he couldn't make himself understood. The reality is that Noah is incredibly direct and forthright. He would grab their hands and place them on exactly what he wanted, with no miscommunication whatsoever. Sometimes I equate verbal speech with absolute clarity, but watching any politician speak for more than 30 seconds would show you that that is absolute rubbish! Noah didn't need speech to be clear as day about what he wanted.
And so, our support system, and Noah's, has gotten a little bit wider. He has now begun to build a relationship with my brother and his family, and I have another place to call on when I need a hand. It's invaluable, and we're incredibly lucky.
If I've learned anything from this, it's to let people in, to share the load of SEN parenting with those that you love and trust, because they love and trust you too, and they just want to help. They won't always get it right, but neither did you when you stepped out on this road. Give them a chance, they could surprise you.
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