Easing off at Easter...

Half term, End of term, Summer break, Easter or Christmas... whatever the season, a break from the school routine is usually stressful for most parents. I tend to find it hugely overwhelming, as I imagine endless days that need to be filled up with activities and fun, whilst still having my usual work routine on top. These days we're surrounded by perfect social media parents showing off their latest crafts or outbound adventures, happy kids and endless resources. No matter how much we try to think about all the moments that didn't make it to Instagram, it's only human to hear that little voice in the back of our heads that says "You're not doing enough with your kids".

And so, the pressure mounts. For me, the anxiety comes from trying to replace all the therapeutic interventions that Noah receives at preschool. They work so hard to give him all the tools he needs to learn effectively, that I begin to think that I'm letting everyone down if I don't keep it all going when he's not there. I envisage Noah strolling back through the doors of preschool 10 steps behind where he was when he left, and I start overthinking everything.

I start planning out the days ahead, filling my diary with things we'll try and do at home, promising myself that I'll get out the shape sorters and puzzle boards (that he hates by the way), or that I'll drag him up to the nearby woods for a tree climbing session... activities that for the most part, never happen. Not because I'm being lazy, but because all Noah wants to do is sit on the sofa with his tablet and his snacks, watching Hey Duggee and rubbing his cold feet on my stomach.

It took a session with my counsellor for my mindset to change. I was unloading all of this anxiety and feeling of failure, when she turned around and said, "All of this therapy, it's to help him concentrate when he's learning, but he's on a break from that. He's on holiday so, why are you beating yourself up for letting him rest?"

It knocked the wind out of me. It was like a light bulb clicked on in my head and I felt entirely stupid and completely relieved at the same time. Of course, he didn't want to do shape sorters or have deep pressure therapy, he's shattered! We both are! This is a chance to just relax, and enjoy spending time together. My therapist signed off that session telling me to try and cut myself some slack, and do something fun with him. From there on, the Easter break started to feel much less like a mountain I had to climb.

Through most of this break, I've been on my own with Noah, as hubby is working away. Once I took off the pressure, we settled into a nice little routine. Noah ate all his dinners without argument, he went to bed on time and without any fuss, and his behaviour during the day was great. It's amazing how much my anxiety and mood affect him, and as much as I always kind of knew that, I didn't realise how delicate the balance is.

As a result of treating this break as an actual break, we've ended up having some pretty nice experiences. It started with lunch out with Nanny, included a sunny walk with four over-excited dogs, as well as spending time with his uncle watching programmes about farming, and culminated in an Easter Egg hunt with his buddies from birth (the friends he doesn't get a choice about). He was so chilled out and happy that he even sat and played with toys right next to them at different times, and had no issue showing me, or any of the other adults what he wanted to eat or do. It was refreshing to see him seeking his own sensory input and being so engaged in the day, and I hadn't had to do anything to make it happen other than stop trying so hard.

I know it isn't easy for all autistic children to cope with the changes of being away from their usual school routine, and that every child is different, but I do think there is something to be said for how we as parents treat ourselves during those times. You don't have to have it all together, and you certainly don't have to live up to social media expectations. Whatever works for you and yours is absolutely the right plan for you. You never know the fun you're missing while you're stressing out about everything else.

Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can.