Patience has never been my strong suit. I’m acutely aware that it’s a personality fault of mine. However, in this instance I might be able to forgive myself a little bit.
Whilst the whole world had ground to a halt because of Covid, the race for Noah to catch up to his peers kept speeding up. Not only were we so far behind the pack, it felt like we weren’t even on the track! As parents we just felt lost, we were waiting for a date to see the elusive speech therapist, the health visitor just stopped contacting us all together, and we were in limbo.
Fortunately, we’d been able to get Noah into a Preschool where a friend of ours worked, a friend who knew Noah and his little behaviours, and would keep an eye on him. This friend turned out to be an invaluable source of information and guidance towards things I could be doing at home whilst we waited for the professionals to come out of their Covid hideouts. (Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of these people who denies Covid existed, but from my experience, certain children's services used Covid as an excuse to leave vulnerable children on endless waiting lists for far longer than was necessary.)
I ended up doing a Parent’s Speech and Language therapy course over zoom for a couple of hours one evening. It was advertised on facebook (as all the best bargains are), and I found it quite enlightening. We talked about the Pyramid of Speech Development, and how each level of the structure had to be mastered before the next one could begin. They told me to slow down, and only use one more word than Noah could use in a sentence in order to get my point across better. Noah had no words, so I found myself chasing round the house shouting random instructions like “STOP!”, “Taaaaaaaaaa” or “Yoghurt??”. It felt so stupid at the time, but it was actually working. He still didn’t repeat back to us, but he seemed to understand what we were saying much more. To this day he still understands “Taa” to mean that he’s got hold of something he shouldn’t have and to hand it over. It's quite enlightening how much information you can get across with a single word.
A few weeks later I found out about a free Makaton course from the charity ‘More Than Words’, also over Zoom. I got myself onto a waiting list for a course, but it came through really quickly. This was two Saturday mornings of group work over zoom, learning everything in the first two stages of the language (essentially, baby & toddler words.) The beauty of Makaton is that it's globally universal, meaning that everyone who learns it learns exactly the same signs, and that means someone who relies on it for their sole communication can be understood anywhere they go. I honestly think it should be taught in schools, because it would be another step towards mainstream inclusivity for children with communication difficulties. Lastly, Noah’s preschool referred me for an NVQ in Understanding Autism. By this point we’d begun treating Noah as if he were Autistic regardless, so it felt right to try and learn what I could, so that I could teach my husband and family how to get on Noah’s level. This was a complete eye opener. I realised how much misinformation was out there, and how it had shaped my own opinions and fears about the possibility that my son had it. My husband had always been calm and relaxed about it all, taking everything one step at a time, whereas I was already mentally picking out Noah’s adult assisted accommodation for when we were too old and frail to look after him ourselves. Doing that course took a lot of the fear I had away, and actually allowed me to see Noah for who he is, instead of what I was afraid he may become. It helped me understand his behaviour better, and taught me how to be the parent I needed to be instead of the one I’d expected.
Once we understood Autism better ourselves, it became easier to include our family into our little world. Teaching them how to approach Noah, to use small words, and to get his attention when speaking to him, made a huge difference to his relationships with them.
Remember...
It's time to put your feet up with a hot cup of tea and remember you can only pour from a full cup!
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