I was NOT going to be one of those parents that stuck their child in front of an iPad. I was adamant. I wanted to be involved and hands-on all of the time. We'd fought so hard to have Noah that I wanted to cherish every second with him, and I felt I couldn't do that if he was glued to a screen. Nope, that wasn't me. That wasn't the kind of parent I wanted to be...
Don't worry, I can hear most of you laughing from here. Naive, right? In the early days, I would put baby sensory TV on for Noah for a few minutes every day, when he was calm and in his bouncer. He seemed to like watching the colours bounce around the screen, and it gave me time to drink a hot coffee and just stop for a second. Having said that, he still didn't have that much general interest in the TV, and wouldn't take much notice of what was on the screen. It wasn't until he could pull himself up into a stand that he started to look at it. That's when I found Hey Duggee on Netflix. That poxy dog has been in my living room ever since. Safe to say, my husband and I can recite every single line by heart, which is no mean feat as there are currently something like 160 episodes. To call it an obsession feels unfair because that would indicate that the countless Hey Duggee toys that we've bought Noah over the last three years would hold his interest as much as the program does. This is definitely not true. His passion seems to be limited to just the show, and the books. He will sit and stare at the pages of a Duggee book for ages, turning them forwards and backwards, upside down over and over.
We've spent a fair amount of pennies working out exactly which toys he will and won't play with, but when you're looking for the key to unlock their willing engagement, you grasp at any hint of interest like it's the last puddle of water in a desert.
As I type Noah is currently bouncing around the lounge in front of an episode of Hey Duggee, happy as the proverbial pig. I've never seen anything hold his attention for as long as Duggee does. He could watch it for hours on end if I let him. Occasionally he will come to me to snuggle in beside me while he watches, or he will fiddle with some of his sensory toys, but good luck getting him to do anything else whilst that cartoon dog is on the screen.
As Noah's autism became more apparent, so did my stance on the iPad. There are some occasions, not many, where Noah's social battery is pretty much non-existent. I know when it's coming on because he will begin to pace around a room in circles, and not in a happy way. It's more like he doesn't know where to put himself because his brain can't get comfy. As a result, I now carry his tablet around in my bag, fully charged, ready to settle him in a quiet corner so he can regulate himself with something familiar. Honestly, though, I hate it. I feel like I'm being a lazy parent, or that I'm giving it to him for an easy life. It's like I'm not parenting hard enough otherwise he wouldn't need it at all. The reality is that Noah is probably really grateful for those moments when I've understood he needs some help and he hasn't been able to reach out to get it for himself.
I have to equate the parent that I wanted or expected to be, with the one that Noah needs me to be. It's a daily battle, and I'm never fully sure if I'm hitting the right balance between allowing him to be authentically himself, whilst also teaching him how to cope in the big scary world outside our front door.
So for now, the cartoon dog wins. If the upshot is that I get to drink a hot coffee or finish some housework while it's on then I'll take that. At least it's not Peppa Pig!
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