Don't let the picture fool you, he may snore as bad as his daddy once he's down, but getting Noah to sleep is certainly no easy task!
I used to feel quite smug about how well Noah slept as a baby. From about 4 weeks old he was sleeping through the night, not waking for a feed at all. By four months old we had to put him in his own room as he was rapidly out growing the crib, but other than that his sleep was perfect for most of the first year and half.
Our real struggle with bedtime came at around 2 years old, once we'd transferred him into his little toddler bed. We would take him up to bed, read a story and snuggle him down, but as we closed the bedroom door, Noah would jump out of bed and pull all the covers on to the floor. He would lay there for about an hour, babbling or happy stimming before eventually nodding off. Things went on like this for a while, but all the time he was eventually putting himself to sleep we let him carry on.
We moved house when he was 2.5 years old, and whilst he seemed to like his new bedroom, the night time stimming went crazy. He would lie on his bed throwing his whole body up and down, kick the wall, shout, or get up and jump around. The more we intervened the louder and more excited he would become. It was like setting a firework off in his bedroom every night. We tried telling him off, he would just laugh, we tried leaving him to self soothe, but he would just wind himself up even further. The only way to calm him was to lay with him, play music and give him long firm cuddles. Some nights it took three hours before he finally fell asleep. It was exhausting.
I now know that sleep is a huge trigger for some autistic kids, and for a really diverse range of reasons. Some children are too anxious to relax, and so they end up with a kind of insomnia. Other children have problems regulating the sleep hormone, Melatonin. Some don't understand the social cues around them and can't associate everyone else in the house going to bed with their own need for sleep.
For us, we have stumbled upon several things that seem to help Noah get to sleep, but as with all good deals, there's a catch. Most of them have a shelf life.
If we're lucky, a routine will last 6 months before it loses its effect on him, but here are a few we've had: #1 Dinner, bath, Pj's, bottle of milk whilst being cuddled, listening to calming music for dogs (don't ask) via an Alexa, on repeat, asleep within 20 minutes on a good day. #2 10 minutes rolling on a yoga ball, dinner, bath, Pj's, bottle of milk in his bedroom, snuggled down under a weighted blanket whilst listening to exactly three rounds of Julie Andrews singing "Stay Awake" from Mary Poppins, and asleep within 20 minutes.
#3 Dinner, bath in the dark , Pj's, downstairs on the sofa to watch 'In the Night Garden', minimum of 2 episodes, whilst drinking bedtime milk, tight cuddles with all the other lights off, then up to bed to listening to the music from 'Night Garden' on repeat, on a good day, asleep within 30 minutes.
You get the idea! We run with whatever works until it doesn't, in what I like to call, "The Novelty Countdown", and then its a case of retracing our steps to repeat whatever worked the next time Noah has a good night.
From what I've learned through the OT, my own research, and the courses I've taken, sleep for autistic kids is as much about reducing anxiety as it is about the actual sleep. There are several ways you can attempt to do this, but it all depends on your child and what you think they may engage with.
One that hasn't quite worked for us so far is Social Stories, mainly because up until recently, Noah wouldn't engage in that kind of thing, but these are great for setting expectations and reducing confusion, so long as you stick to them. I follow a dad on TikTok who shares stories about his autistic son, and he has a short video you can access HERE that explains how they work better than I can. Another thing to remember is that most autistic children will have some kind of sensory issue, they may be over or under-sensitive to certain stimuli, so think about their environment. Are there any lights that may be distracting them, or is their blanket too soft? For Noah, it's all about compression. The deeper the pressure, the calmer he gets. It's like his whole body needs a hug. There are some nights where he just can't calm down, so I wrap his whole body in his weighted blanket and just lie with him until I feel him relax. This article may help you understand what your child might be seeking at bedtime.
There are medications you can try if you think your child may have issues with their melatonin production, but you need to get your GP to prescribe them. I've heard wonder stories about how well it can work just to break a pattern of bad sleep and help them get back into a regular routine, so if you think that's something that would help your child its always worth asking.
Thankfully, were in a stage where Noah is usually so tired from preschool for most of the week that bedtimes haven't been too bad. I write this knowing full well that Noah had a danger nap this afternoon and so this little monkey will be keeping me awake well into tomorrow, yay for me!
Ultimately, when you're bleary eyed, drinking your 6th coffee of the morning because you've been up all night with them, the most important thing to try and do is get some rest yourself. We all know it isn't always possible, but try whenever you can, and keep cycling through ideas! What didn't work a few weeks ago may work now, as they grow and change, so do their needs. I'm off to make a coffee, I've got a long night ahead of me!
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